Fifteen Days!!!!!

I've been overwhelmed! I remember the good ol' days like 5 months ago - naive happiness. I remember the rough days like 2 months ago - thinking to myself, "I had NO IDEA it was this hard to plan my wedding." And then there are the really rough days like lately when I can't even think. Can't talk. Can't focus. There is soooooo much to do. A lot of it I have accepted will simply not happen. Of course the wedding will go on, just without Jones Soda in our wedding colors. And I am doubtful that the couples crossword puzzle will make it either. It's on the groom's honey-do list, so we'll see.

What about decorating the car?
What about framed pics of me with each bridesmaid?
And other things I can't think of now.

It's 15 days til the wedding, and, hmmm, I just realized I should probably have my wedding gown finished and wearable, shouldn't I?

27 days out, my seamstress said she could do no more on the dress. It was surreal. I didn't freak out, simple because I was in denial. I just said, "Well, I guess it could be worse: it could be 26 days, ha!" and laughed psychotically.

I am working with a second seamstress (dear Lord, how much is this gonna cost me??) and will do my second fitting with her Monday. I have 2 jewelry sets to take with me to try on with the dress and tiara and veil. Hopefully one will work well.

I'm so ready for a break from anything wedding related. I NEVER thought I'd hear myself say that! I want to just fast forward to our wedding day and be able to enjoy it!

Just truly overwhelmed...

29 Days - Emotions

Hi!

29 days, and I am full of emotions!

I'm super excited!

Excited to start my life with my husband (!) and excited to see and experience our wedding!!! Excited about our honeymoon (we are staying at lovely B & B's) and about living together. Excited about our future, to see where God will take us, where we will work, where we will live, how many children He will bless us with, etc.

But I'm also nervous.

Nervous about adjusting to living with someone, adjusting my routine, adjusting my lifestyle, adjusting every day. Nervous about both of us getting alone time and not being bored. Nervous about all sorts of wife duties. And nervous about being stressed or anxious, running behind, or things going wrong on the wedding day.

I'm told it's normal to get nervous like this. True?

42 days/6 weeks - Music

We just picked a perfect recessional song yesterday, yea!

But we are utterly clueless about a first dance song. We have looked at/listened to a lot of options. They're either too fast or too slow or too overplayed.

I'm waiting to get the score (?) for the song I want to walk down the aisle to. Then I need to hear it on a piano, and if I like it, find someone to play it.

Fiance's friend, one of his groomsmen, is working on assembling folks for a string quartet.

Another friend is singing while we have our unity ceremony and family prayer. I'm hoping she can also play the piano for my processional. We'll see.

We've got songs picked for the seating of the family and the entrance of the wedding party, but we need the string quartet to learn how to play these songs!

Speaking of the family...in the last week we found out that there is a good chance neither of our grandmas will be at the wedding due to health reasons. :(

I need to finalize details, sign contracts and pay a bunch of bills. Sigh... Our account is gonna be empty quickly.

6 weeks... It's getting very very real!

We have reservations for our honeymoon all set!!! Sooooo exciting!!

6 more weeks...

48 days

i look forward to after the wedding when i can watch tv for an evening and do nothing else - and not have to feel guilty about it. oh, and to get to do all that WITH MY HUSBAND!!!

much to do still - all the stuff that i swore i wouldn't put off til the last minute because it would cause too much stress.

we had a third shower yesterday - it was mainly friends and family of my fiance, which was a bit weird for me. but fun, nonetheless. awesome cake too! and, boy, do i love cake! ;)

my sweetie has been awesome. i've had a LOT of non-wedding stress the last month, and breakdowns have become pretty standard. he has been responding so well and has been so encouraging!

ugh, still so much to do. i'd better get busy on it.

56 Days/8 Weeks

I can handle (barely) the concept of 56 days. But when my wonderful fiance told me today that the wedding is 8 weeks away, it became freak-out time. Really. Cannot handle that.

It's not a matter of fearing marriage. It's a matter of not having enough time to get everything done for the wedding.

Tonight at dinner my sis-in-law inquired what we still have left to work on, pretty much expecting things to be wrapped up by now. So, I started down the list. And not a real, tangible list, but just ones that came to mind in my head. Lord knows the written list would have taken much longer to rattle off.

My mom has been a huge help! She's thinking about things that I'm not. She's doing things that I'm not capable of doing. She's even cutting apart her wedding dress to make ring bearer pillows for us!!!!!

Tomorrow I meet with our potential floral designer. I need to get pics ready of bouquets that I like. Busy, busy!

67 days - My Outlet

I feel like this is the only place I can share my wedding planning frustrations and exhaustions. I don't know if anyone is even reading these. But I need to write. I need to talk. I need to feel. I need to get it off me.

I am so so so so so so so tired of all this. I didn't think it would be anywhere near this stressful. I'm not feeling support from those I need it from. I am so burnt out. Beyond stressed. Physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I am so done.

Everything is happening at the wrong time. I feel so much pressure to get the invites out ASAP.

I can't even get into the details. I just want to go to bed and forget it all.

Night never lasts long enough. I feel like I am constantly carrying these burdens around. I get no break.

I am on the verge of tears and throwing up about 70% of the time. I hate that this is my life. I hate that I'm hating this part of my life. The part that I've been looking forward to all my life. Guess what: REALITY CHECK! It's not all it's cracked up to be. It's hell.

Yes, today has truly felt hellish. There's no escape.

+++++++++++++++

I know that sometime in the future, I'll look back and read this and think, "What was the big deal?" I know this too shall pass. But in the thick of it, it's pretty nasty.

72 days - much to do

I need to find someone to embroider 19 aprons. Ha ha!

I need to find bridesmaid jewelry. And flower girl jewelry. And MY jewelry.

I need to figure out flowers.

Need to work on music for the reception.

Don't even get me started on music for the ceremony.

We have no bridal processional and no recessional.

Is Billy Joel's Lullaby too sad for a father-daughter dance?

Where are we staying on our wedding night?

I've given up a lot of dreams, a lot of wishes, and a lot of wants.

83 Days - with Pictures!

I'm back to wedding planning whether or not I want to be.

We (finally) got back quotes from caterers today. I had been waiting a L O N G time for this information. Fortunately, it was all good news. Yea!

We now have a plan for the Bridal Brunch, and it's official: we now have caterers for our reception. Double Yea!

In other news - I pulled a muscle in my shoulder/neck/upper back area today and am in a lot of pain. Hoping to return back to normal soon!!

Also, I've got 3 days left to do my taxes... Yikes.

And, the good news is that I rejoined a gym I used to belong to. I feel incredibly better when I'm working out. Trying hard not to stress eat, but it's been hard. My current weakness: CAKE!

Oh - and we got our engagement photos the other day! SO great!! Here are some:




Kissy kissy!

84 Days - Need a Break

The last thing I want to think about is wedding plans.

99 Days - Making Progress (Finally)

I am feeling way good about where we are at. It's a nice change!

We met with caterers this week and had great success! It's going to be a lot of money, but that is where we expected to spend a lot of money.

We have our dj, our photo booth, my dress, veil & tiara. We have bridesmaid dresses and tuxes, mother of the groom dress, mother of the bride dress. We have the pastor, the ceremony location, the reception location, the photographer, the engagement photos.

We have a potential cake baker. We have a potential floral designer. (Same person, in fact)

We are starting to get ideas for decorating the ceremony and reception. We are working invitations.

We have an appointment with our wedding coordinator on Monday.

We worked really hard today on our guest list. I was so happy and proud to be done with the names of whose on the list. And then I checked my email and found a list from his mom with more people to invite. Ha ha. Of course.

104 Days

I finally got our engagement announcement submitted to the paper. It was not easy.

I'm feeling overwhelmed again tonight. My fiance has a very busy week at work, and I think his work stress is rubbing off on me, and my wedding stress is rubbing off on him. Not a good combination.

I have finally decided I have to do something about losing weight. I hate the way I look in pictures/video and know I won't be happy with wedding pictures if I look the way I do. I have over 3 months. I can do a lot in 3 months if I really go hardcore.

I've learned in the last 3 months that I am definitely a stress eater!!

Sigh....so many things to do. Such little time. Not just between now and July 4th, but actually ON July 4th.

I wait for people to respond to inquiries. I'm frustrated.

105 Days

I'm still tired.

Wedding planning consists of never-ending tasks of things to work on.

People told me at the beginning of the engagement that I'd have moments where I'd think how much easier it would be to just elope.

I thought I understood them.

I was wrong.

Now I understand.

I'm grateful I'm doing it all with my fiance by my side. I can't imagine doing this without his support.

Tired

Oh man, I am tired of being treated poorly by wedding vendors!!! Is this what I get for trying to do things on a budget?? To save money I have to sacrifice decent service?? Unacceptable!!

...Only, I really want what they have to offer. What I haven't been able to find anywhere else.

I want to go off on them. But I'm still trying to stay professional and respectful. It's just getting harder and harder.

In other updates...

We think we know where we will live. Though it's not ideal, it looks like we will live at my place for awhile. This is a great way to save money and pay off debt because it is so inexpensive to live here. It also takes less pressure and stress off us to find our love nest before July 4th.

Oh, have I mentioned we're getting married July 4th? Yep. And I want fireworks.

I ordered the last of our dishes. They were on clearance and in random places so my mom recommended that we order them ourselves to make sure we will have the ones we want. We got all 3 sets on sale! It's nice to have that taken care of. And it wasn't even on my list!

I've been lazy lately about making sure things are on my list. And if it's not on my list, I forget all about it... Which reminds me, I need to gather addresses for a shower invite...

Good Times

I L O V E being engaged!!!

I just read two cards from today's mail that reminded me that I GET TO MARRY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!!!

Oh, and he is!! I couldn't have found a better man for me! God picked him out for me and kept him safe in the palm of His hand, and now he is giving him to me! I want to honor and respect him and be the best fiancee (and soon wife) he needs!

Tonight we put in our order for bridesmaid dresses, flower girl dresses, groom & groomsmen tuxes and ring bearer suits (we thought suits were ok for $70 vs. tuxes for $150). What a great feeling to accomplish much! Tomorrow we go to our first cake testing - so exciting!!

We had our engagement photo session yesterday. I can't tell you enough how FUN it was!!! To have our shared love as the focus of our afternoon was amazing! I didn't want it to end!

Engagement Photos

Engagement photos were a BLAST!!! This morning my stress and nerves turned into giddyness and excitement for the shoot. I was able to find outfits and come up with props, and I couldn't wait for our 3:00 appointment! We did 3 different outfits, multiple backgrounds, and shot over 1,000 photos in 2 1/2 hours. Seriously a blast!

We found the greatest places in downtown! We did an outfit change in the restroom at the back of this local cafe and ended up shooting in the hall outside the bathroom for like 15 minutes because of the great color of the walls there.

Oh man, I can't wait to see the pictures!!!

Waiting

I'm so tired of waiting to hear back from people!!!

Currently waiting for confirmation of our rehearsal time. This is important because it affects all events planned for the day before the wedding - bridal brunch, personal shower, bachelor party, rehearsal dinner/party, etc. I just want confirmation!!!

Also waiting to hear back a price quote for catering the bridal brunch and the rehearsal dinner. Please, please, please send me this information!!!

And to the guy who is ignoring my requests to see his apartment...JERK!!! We don't want you as our landlord anyway!!!

I understand not everybody works on the same schedule as me. But common courtesy is to respond within a day or two, not more than a week. And if you tell me you will provide information by a certain date, and you don't, I have every right to be upset.

Yes, I am becoming Bridezilla.

Wedding Stress

I cannot even begin to describe all the stress I am feeling. I've got it coming at me from all possible areas. Work, friends, family, wedding party, living arrangements, clutter at my work station, clutter in my car, clutter in my home. It's complete madness. I don't feel like myself.

Today I let out a loud, deep, real laugh at something a co-worker said. And it surprised me. It had been so long since I've heard a real laugh come out. I can't even remember what was said that caused me to laugh. I wish I did so it might bring some humor and joy back into my life.

My fiance is being great through all this. He's doing what he can. He's supporting me. He's encouraging me. He's praying with me and for me. But, there are 30 minutes in between us. And we are both busy. I'll see him tomorrow (I cannot wait!!), which will be 4 days since seeing him last.

Sunday are our engagement photos, and I'm freaking out about them. I think I finally figured out why. They (and all these wedding related things) are only gonna happen once. I've waited my entire life for these events and activities. And I get one shot at them. So, I want them to be perfect. And I am killing myself trying to figure out what I want for these once-in-a-lifetime engagement photos. And the the once-in-a-lifetime personal shower, and bridal brunch, and rehearsal dinner, and ceremony, and reception and wedding night and and and and and. What elements should we include for the perfect engagement photos, the perfect shower, the perfect rehearsal dinner, the perfect wedding cake, etc. etc. etc.?

No wonder I'm exhausted.

I promised myself I'd stop crying. I lied.

Dreaming Big

So, I'm not sure what's gotten into me. But I'm suddenly planning, wanting, and craving big things.

Harpist, organist, a full choir in robes, a candy buffet, multiple pieces of music, surprises for our parents, etc. etc. etc.

I'm making the wedding planning more complicated than it needs to be.

Why?

Go, Us!

It's been awhile since I've posted here because things have been so busy. But I thought I'd take a moment to update. While I know there's still a lot we need to do, we have accomplished great things!

I just picked up my wedding dress. It's beautiful. But I can't get a bra to work with it. Big bummer! I want a low back, plunge bra with straps. Is that too hard to ask for?!

We finally decided on a bridesmaid dress!

We found a location for the Bridal Brunch, Personal Shower, and Rehearsal Dinner.

I won't even compare with my To-Do list right now because it's massive. Ugh!!

We've got almost all the details for my first shower figured out. I just need to finalize the guest list. Oh, guest list... NOT something I like thinking about!

Oh - we also have someone who will be coordinating all the reception food (except the cake). Score!

We do officially have the ceremony location booked, the reception location booked, and the pastor who is marrying us is booked.

Woot woot!

Crash

Tonight we hit a wall. I'm frustrated. I'm really hoping I will wake up in a better mood than what I am going to bed with.

Hmmm...

We have had so much trouble agreeing on a bridesmaid dress we like. Yes, my groom wants to be involved in decisions about the wedding. I'm going to the store tomorrow to further investigate another option.

I also feel as if I should be doing dozens of other things. But I'm not. Hmmm, maybe it's time to consult the wedding checklist.

Tomorrow my matron of honor and I are going to a class that will (hopefully) give us ideas for DIY stationery (programs, invitations, response cards, etc.). Hope it's worth our time and money!

Moving Along

I now have a veil & tiara, weeeeeeeeee!!! I found them through Craiglist. $50 for both of them. They probably would have cost about $300 new. The tiara is gorgeous. I'm still trying to figure out the veil. Um, I'm a little ... inexperienced.

Sooooooooooo Excited!!!

Tonight my fiance and I fell in love with a house we want to rent. Nothing is even near official yet so I need to keep quiet about it. But I loved it soooooo much that I want to be able to show excitement about it!!

The house is so nice! Hardwood floors, flex space, large living room, basement space, cute kitchen, appliances included (including a dishwasher!!), 2 big bedrooms, nice backyard, back deck, front sun porch... It's in great shape and in a nice neighborhood! I love it. We both love it.

Our friends live there and are looking to sell or rent it. Tonight we had dinner together and watched a movie, visited, and played Mario Kart. On the way home I was telling my fiance, "The longer we sat there and watched the movie..." and he completed the sentence with me, "the more it felt like our home." :)

I can't wait to make it official. We just need to work on a price we can all agree on.

Serious Business

It's starting to become more official, more real in my head.

Not only do I have a dress, we now also have a photographer (well, 2 actually), a dj, and a photobooth!

We have a church on hold for the ceremony and one on hold for the reception. I still need to take the necessary steps to make those official!

We are still looking for a bridesmaid dress we both like. I feel like I live at David's Bridal lately.

We REALLY need to send our our Save-the-Dates.

Tonight the plan is to start up a bridal registry!

Is It Normal?

• Is it normal to feel ill after eating every meal?

• Is it normal to have wedding stuff on my brain constantly?

• Is it normal to have my right eye twitch?
  

Priorities

I am overwhelmed. There's so much to do, and I am having a hard time prioritizing it! First things first: we have an engagement party this Friday!

We need to go over the menu, pick up ingredients and start preparing food. I'm baking the cupcakes!

Money, Money, Money

I can't believe how quickly everything adds up!!! We are wedding planning on a budget, and it's not easy!

We are going the cheap route and still struggling. The money we have to work with is quickly disappearing.

BIG Purchase

I BOUGHT A WEDDING GOWN!!!

I BOUGHT A WEDDING GOWN!!!

I BOUGHT A WEDDING GOWN!!!

The morning ring

I am NOT a morning person. I hate to hear my alarm ringing in the morning. However, it's been different for the last couple weeks. Every time I wake up, I notice the ring on my finger.

And, guess what, I love it!

I just feel it there, and I look at it and can't help but smile.

Zone Out

I worked late tonight. I've also been working on the wedding a LOT. It pretty much consumes my thoughts - especially when I should be sleeping.

I'm hoping I can get out of the wedding zone this evening. I've got other things that I've been severely neglecting since the wedding planning began.

Unfortunately, we got sad news yesterday that my fiance's grandfather passed away. So, wedding talk is kinda on the back shelf of convo's while we deal with funeral stuff for a few days. Geez, it's been a long time since I've been to a funeral. Gotta find some funeral attire.

It seems we just keep running out of days to do things; so many things need to be done. Sometimes when we're together I think, "What did we do or talk about before the wedding planning?" That's about 90% of what we talk about now.

Ok, back to zoning out. Goodbye wedding for one night. We'll see if I can do it!

Recent Thoughts

• How can I be getting married?!? I still wear Hello Kitty bandaids! I'm not mature enough to get married!
• Black & white?
• Black & white, aqua & raspberry?
• Are those too many colors?
• Brown & aqua?
  
• Where are we going to have this reception?
• How are we going to afford this?
• We can't afford this catering!
• I'm not paying someone to slice my cake!
• That store must have trick mirrors! I looked much prettier there than I do in these pictures!
• Is this dress sparkly enough?
• What do I really want??
• At least I know I want the Groom; that part's settled!
  

Diet

Every bride wants to lose a few pounds before the wedding. I'm no different.

So far though my diet has been pretty consistent of coffee & TUMS!

Me

30 year old bride-to-be

I've been planning my wedding for more than half my life.

Just recently got engaged and was way surprised by the proposal! I thought it wasn't coming until summer and that I would then have a year to plan it.

Now I've got 6 months to plan the wedding I've been dreaming of without going into debt for a one day event.

These are my thoughts during this exciting, yet stressful, chapter of my life.