I cannot even begin to describe all the stress I am feeling. I've got it coming at me from all possible areas. Work, friends, family, wedding party, living arrangements, clutter at my work station, clutter in my car, clutter in my home. It's complete madness. I don't feel like myself.
Today I let out a loud, deep, real laugh at something a co-worker said. And it surprised me. It had been so long since I've heard a real laugh come out. I can't even remember what was said that caused me to laugh. I wish I did so it might bring some humor and joy back into my life.
My fiance is being great through all this. He's doing what he can. He's supporting me. He's encouraging me. He's praying with me and for me. But, there are 30 minutes in between us. And we are both busy. I'll see him tomorrow (I cannot wait!!), which will be 4 days since seeing him last.
Sunday are our engagement photos, and I'm freaking out about them. I think I finally figured out why. They (and all these wedding related things) are only gonna happen once. I've waited my entire life for these events and activities. And I get one shot at them. So, I want them to be perfect. And I am killing myself trying to figure out what I want for these once-in-a-lifetime engagement photos. And the the once-in-a-lifetime personal shower, and bridal brunch, and rehearsal dinner, and ceremony, and reception and wedding night and and and and and. What elements should we include for the perfect engagement photos, the perfect shower, the perfect rehearsal dinner, the perfect wedding cake, etc. etc. etc.?
No wonder I'm exhausted.
I promised myself I'd stop crying. I lied.
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