Fifteen Days!!!!!

I've been overwhelmed! I remember the good ol' days like 5 months ago - naive happiness. I remember the rough days like 2 months ago - thinking to myself, "I had NO IDEA it was this hard to plan my wedding." And then there are the really rough days like lately when I can't even think. Can't talk. Can't focus. There is soooooo much to do. A lot of it I have accepted will simply not happen. Of course the wedding will go on, just without Jones Soda in our wedding colors. And I am doubtful that the couples crossword puzzle will make it either. It's on the groom's honey-do list, so we'll see.

What about decorating the car?
What about framed pics of me with each bridesmaid?
And other things I can't think of now.

It's 15 days til the wedding, and, hmmm, I just realized I should probably have my wedding gown finished and wearable, shouldn't I?

27 days out, my seamstress said she could do no more on the dress. It was surreal. I didn't freak out, simple because I was in denial. I just said, "Well, I guess it could be worse: it could be 26 days, ha!" and laughed psychotically.

I am working with a second seamstress (dear Lord, how much is this gonna cost me??) and will do my second fitting with her Monday. I have 2 jewelry sets to take with me to try on with the dress and tiara and veil. Hopefully one will work well.

I'm so ready for a break from anything wedding related. I NEVER thought I'd hear myself say that! I want to just fast forward to our wedding day and be able to enjoy it!

Just truly overwhelmed...

29 Days - Emotions

Hi!

29 days, and I am full of emotions!

I'm super excited!

Excited to start my life with my husband (!) and excited to see and experience our wedding!!! Excited about our honeymoon (we are staying at lovely B & B's) and about living together. Excited about our future, to see where God will take us, where we will work, where we will live, how many children He will bless us with, etc.

But I'm also nervous.

Nervous about adjusting to living with someone, adjusting my routine, adjusting my lifestyle, adjusting every day. Nervous about both of us getting alone time and not being bored. Nervous about all sorts of wife duties. And nervous about being stressed or anxious, running behind, or things going wrong on the wedding day.

I'm told it's normal to get nervous like this. True?

42 days/6 weeks - Music

We just picked a perfect recessional song yesterday, yea!

But we are utterly clueless about a first dance song. We have looked at/listened to a lot of options. They're either too fast or too slow or too overplayed.

I'm waiting to get the score (?) for the song I want to walk down the aisle to. Then I need to hear it on a piano, and if I like it, find someone to play it.

Fiance's friend, one of his groomsmen, is working on assembling folks for a string quartet.

Another friend is singing while we have our unity ceremony and family prayer. I'm hoping she can also play the piano for my processional. We'll see.

We've got songs picked for the seating of the family and the entrance of the wedding party, but we need the string quartet to learn how to play these songs!

Speaking of the family...in the last week we found out that there is a good chance neither of our grandmas will be at the wedding due to health reasons. :(

I need to finalize details, sign contracts and pay a bunch of bills. Sigh... Our account is gonna be empty quickly.

6 weeks... It's getting very very real!

We have reservations for our honeymoon all set!!! Sooooo exciting!!

6 more weeks...

48 days

i look forward to after the wedding when i can watch tv for an evening and do nothing else - and not have to feel guilty about it. oh, and to get to do all that WITH MY HUSBAND!!!

much to do still - all the stuff that i swore i wouldn't put off til the last minute because it would cause too much stress.

we had a third shower yesterday - it was mainly friends and family of my fiance, which was a bit weird for me. but fun, nonetheless. awesome cake too! and, boy, do i love cake! ;)

my sweetie has been awesome. i've had a LOT of non-wedding stress the last month, and breakdowns have become pretty standard. he has been responding so well and has been so encouraging!

ugh, still so much to do. i'd better get busy on it.

56 Days/8 Weeks

I can handle (barely) the concept of 56 days. But when my wonderful fiance told me today that the wedding is 8 weeks away, it became freak-out time. Really. Cannot handle that.

It's not a matter of fearing marriage. It's a matter of not having enough time to get everything done for the wedding.

Tonight at dinner my sis-in-law inquired what we still have left to work on, pretty much expecting things to be wrapped up by now. So, I started down the list. And not a real, tangible list, but just ones that came to mind in my head. Lord knows the written list would have taken much longer to rattle off.

My mom has been a huge help! She's thinking about things that I'm not. She's doing things that I'm not capable of doing. She's even cutting apart her wedding dress to make ring bearer pillows for us!!!!!

Tomorrow I meet with our potential floral designer. I need to get pics ready of bouquets that I like. Busy, busy!

67 days - My Outlet

I feel like this is the only place I can share my wedding planning frustrations and exhaustions. I don't know if anyone is even reading these. But I need to write. I need to talk. I need to feel. I need to get it off me.

I am so so so so so so so tired of all this. I didn't think it would be anywhere near this stressful. I'm not feeling support from those I need it from. I am so burnt out. Beyond stressed. Physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I am so done.

Everything is happening at the wrong time. I feel so much pressure to get the invites out ASAP.

I can't even get into the details. I just want to go to bed and forget it all.

Night never lasts long enough. I feel like I am constantly carrying these burdens around. I get no break.

I am on the verge of tears and throwing up about 70% of the time. I hate that this is my life. I hate that I'm hating this part of my life. The part that I've been looking forward to all my life. Guess what: REALITY CHECK! It's not all it's cracked up to be. It's hell.

Yes, today has truly felt hellish. There's no escape.

+++++++++++++++

I know that sometime in the future, I'll look back and read this and think, "What was the big deal?" I know this too shall pass. But in the thick of it, it's pretty nasty.

72 days - much to do

I need to find someone to embroider 19 aprons. Ha ha!

I need to find bridesmaid jewelry. And flower girl jewelry. And MY jewelry.

I need to figure out flowers.

Need to work on music for the reception.

Don't even get me started on music for the ceremony.

We have no bridal processional and no recessional.

Is Billy Joel's Lullaby too sad for a father-daughter dance?

Where are we staying on our wedding night?

I've given up a lot of dreams, a lot of wishes, and a lot of wants.